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Archive for the 'Love' Category

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A Saturday With My Girl

Eleanor and I spent the morning together at the farmer’s market, and then hanging out at the park. It was the first time she’s been in a stroller in a few months, and she seriously did not want to go out. At one point I tried to get her out so she could run around but all she wanted to do was be pushed around as she ate her fresh, juicy peach. It was packed today since there was also a Chili Cookoff and the Craft Fair going on so I was a bit nervous about pushing a stroller around but we managed well. At least we didn’t end up running anyone over.






We picked up some local whole wheat flour (what should I make …bread?!), green pepper, summer squash, purple onion, celery (oh my amazing. I thought I liked celery before but I never knew how it was really supposed to taste), duck eggs, blueberries, and shitake mushrooms. I’m thinking of making Nathan breakfast tomorrow for Father’s Day and having Eleanor and I bring it to him in bed. Maybe blueberry muffins or duck egg omelet with mushrooms!


It’s been down right gorgeous here. We are lucky to have such shade cover at our current house, but I really have been craving some hours by the pool or lake in the sun. Maybe on my (stay)vacation in a week I will take advantage of the local pools or swimming holes (I’m a little nervous about snakes though!) We went hiking last weekend and the river was full of big fish and a water snake!


Birthday Party

We had Eleanor’s birthday party on Sunday. It was a beautiful chilly day that turned into a beautiful sunny day full of love and family. Miss Ellie was a bit quiet and fussy most of the day (she wanted me to hold her most of the day and by the end of it mama could barely walk!) but that’s the reality of toddlerhood, right? She loved playing with her cousins, riding in her car, getting cuddles from her gramma, aunt, and uncle. And of course she was in heaven at the first bite of her birthday cupcake! Now I will let the photos speak for themselves.














Happy Birthday Eleanor

Happy first birthday my dear Eleanor James!
There is so much emotion and joy wrapped up in this day, in you, and a million things I could say for you to read when you get older. But the most important is that you have shown me love. The only kind of love found between a parent and a child. This year you have grown into a sweet, curious, loving little girl with the brightest future in the world. I am honored to be your mother.

I love you.
Happy birthday!





Facts About Baby Bean

1. I can’t believe I’m pregnant again.
Every night now when I lay down I can feel my belly firmer, more round. Somehow full of life again. I am thankful for those moments as there is less time to dream and wonder as we adjust to our move, my job, and running after Eleanor.

2. This baby was definitely a surprise.
It doesn’t matter of course, but I might have been shocked for a wee bit. See I was still breastfeeding Eleanor, and my cycle had not entirely resumed. But I started feeling different a little after Christmas, then my breasts were extra tender, then we found out about the move, then I started pumping less and making less milk (though Eleanor does still nurse at least once a day now), then I started cramping. And I chocked it all up to stress. Or denial? Until one night I peed on a stick, and couldn’t believe what I saw.

3. We are due September 3.
Since I was in such denial I honestly thought I was farther along than I really was by the time I had my first midwife appointment. Turns out that I discovered I was pregnant early sometime around the 5th week. It boggles my mind how our bodies and minds can just know these things.

4. Eleanor and her baby brother or sister will be 17 months apart.
Can we say BFF?

5. This pregnancy has been pretty similar to my first.
No morning sickness thank goodness or food aversions this time around. I do remember with Eleanor not wanting to prep food, but thankfully I still cook when I have the time or energy. I definitely feel like I’m showing faster with this baby. And, well let’s just say I have not had a very happy time going to the bathroom. Constipation is a bitch. Otherwise I’m emotional, craving coffee ice cream, and excited about everything on the horizon with this little pea.

I feel so blessed to be a mother twice over.


My two loves


Sunday morning



I am a lucky lady.

Toughening Up

Tough skin. When it comes to Eleanor I don’t have it. When she hurts herself I get physically angry. Since she has become mobile I have had to try so hard to maintain control of my emotions. Well, really my reactions. Love her to death but my mom used to turn an ant hill into a mole hill with us as kids. A skinned knee meant gain green or a simple walk meant we would trip and fall. And I am afraid that I worry incessantly because of that.

Today was Eleanor’s 9 month checkup. Besides all the normal wonderful accolades that she is right on track she had to have a lead screening test. It’s a requirement if you live in the state of Illinois because of the high traces of lead in many homes. We live in an old home – 1890 to be exact. So while I hadn’t thought of it before when I heard she was getting screened today my head started spinning. One thumb prick. No tears. We wait. It’s hot and Eleanor is tired. Her levels are elevated the nurse says so thumb prick number two occurs. We wait. It gets hotter. The doctor returns. There are elevetated levels of lead present in her blood. So now she has to have her blood drawn intravenously. And, now we wait again. I’m hoping it’s a mistake, but knowing the house we live in and all of recent things we discovered while recently attempting to buy it (it obviously did not work out) I’m sure it isn’t a mistake. Good news is Lead poisoning is treatable.

But my god does my heart hurt waiting.
I’m hoping with each bruise, sad day at school, bad grade, skinned knee, and scar my skin will get tougher for her. I want to be strong for her.



Happy New Year

I started writing a year-in-review the other day, but it got lost somewhere in the world of unsaved drafts. It made me realize that I don’t need to reflect month by month to know that 2011 was the year that changed me forever – for the better. All because of one little girl. And, one loyal, strong, and loving husband who stood by my side through it all.

When I was a little girl myself I wondered what it would feel like to be an adult – to make all my own decisions, live the life I wanted, fall in love, own a house, create a new family, become a mom. A big part of me never believed that any of it was possible. Not because I didn’t deserve it but because how could I not be a kid forever? The continuum of time has always mesmerized my mind.

A dear friend sent me a new year’s wish, and a snippet of something I once wrote 5 years ago. In it I wrote about what my future life was going to look and feel like. I wrote a lot about how I seek replinishment. And, as I watch Eleanor who was once 7 pounds 9 ounces of naked, raw baby laying across my chest grow day by day into a beaming, bright, and inquisitive little person I know my life is full. I have what I was always looking for.

It’s magic.
Happy New Year.



I hope your Christmas was merry and bright. I decided to push past this monster cold and back ache to thoroughly enjoy mine! It made my entire day seeing Eleanor’s face light up when I put her down in front of the tree. She knew something special was going on. She looked back at me and then reached for the Raggedy Ann doll that Santa brought her!

It was a nice, relaxing day full of Santa surprises. But best of all it was spent with my new little family.







Just One of Those Days

It’s been a really long couple of weeks at work. Lots of hours, and little time with the ones I love most – my baby and my husband. After another long day today I walked in to the house in tears. I could see Nathan through the window stuffing diapers. I could hear Eleanor fussing. And, as I opened the door there they both were. Nathan holding Eleanor in his arms, “Mommy’s home!” And, I just started to cry.

I missed them both so much.
It’s hard not to feel bad when you’ve been gone 12 hours.