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Monthly Archive for October, 2010

baby fat

My body is doing this wonderful magical thing. I know that. I am happy and blessed that my body can create another healthy human being. I am thrilled that I can experience our baby moving, hear its heart beat, and enjoy this journey with my husband. I am honored that together Nathan and I are becoming parents. And, that is why I know what I am about to write is ridiculous.

Before finding out I was pregnant I had just reached and exceeded my weight loss goal. I had lost 33 pounds. It took a while, but in the scheme of things it actually went by pretty fast. I was consistent. I felt better than I had ever mentally and physically. Then a month later I was pregnant. I was tired, fatigued, groggy, and had the weirdest cravings! And, I mean these were serious cravings. I wanted mac n cheese, breaded chicken tenders, and texas fries! I am not kidding you! This coming from a girl who never, and I mean never buys processed food from the frozen food section. I did end up making the mac n cheese homemade, but I never had energy to cook, and I had LOVED cooking. Cooking kind of revolted me in the beginning as did all the veggies I had spent so much time diligently growing. I didn’t eat this food all the time, but I’d have a craving about once a week and I’d satisfy it.

I eat a very well balanced diet. I have throughout the entire pregnancy. And, I feel healthy. But I think my mind is playing tricks on me. Now my body is visibly changing. It’s thick in the middle where I never was before. I glanced at pictures today because I knew I had taken a photo around 8 weeks so that I could remember my waist. And, I am reassured it was there. But I’m feeling… lost. After my body does this wonderful, amazing transformation and I produce (I pray) a healthy, happy baby… what then? Do I get to enjoy all that work I put in to lose the 33 lbs? No, I know I will have to start over. And, I know that my first focus after our baby will be our baby and my family, but I still feel like there is validity to my concern.

It’s been difficult because Nathan has fallen off the wagon as well. He had lost something like 50 pounds, and it’s creeping back on. He doesn’t pressure me to eat bad things by any means, but it’s still concerning to see.

I guess my mind is playing tricks on me. It’s kind of like people who were always overweight will always see themselves as so even after they lose a significant amount of weight. It’s psychological. See, I know I am growing a baby. I have heard its heart beat, I have seen its heart flicker on the screen, I have felt it move. But it’s as if a body conscious devil is sitting on my shoulder and is saying…. you are getting fat.

It’s really fucked up.

Can anyone share with me their post baby adventure concerning their body (either process or image)? I feel vulnerable posting this entry, but I also know that there isn’t enough honesty out there about these sorts of real issues that women face today because of a myriad of personal and cultural reasons.

19 weeks and 2 days

This week has been interesting! Babe is moving all over the place! Its activity really increases in the evening time and when I am eating. The most exciting thing happened yesterday! I ran myself a bath like I do most every night, and noticed the baby was kicking a lot. I swear I might have seen the water move! So I called Nathan in, and he put his hand on my tummy. Not a second later – bam bam bam. He was so intrigued and excited, and I don’t think either of us could really believe it.

19 weeks 2 days

Now that we are almost hitting the half way mark we’ve been chatting more about the logistics of things – the house set up, diapers (we want to do reusable), and how to balance all the things we need/want. I really want to sit down and lay out a budget for what ours will look like once the baby is here. But that is definitely more of a Nathan project!

This week I am starting to feel round ligament pains more frequently. Yesterday especially my belly was noticeably firmer and my muscles were definitely stretching. I can totally understand why women tend to rub their pregnant stomachs now! I no longer have a waist, and it has been difficult trying to figure out how to dress myself. I love high waisted skirts! And, after this week I probably won’t be able to wear most of mine anymore. They still fit, but it looks kind of funny to me. I’m in need of maternity bottoms fast!

19 weeks and 2 days

19 weeks 2 days

I’ve definitely feel bonded with the baby, and we are starting to read to it this week. But I think after our appointment on Tuesday I will be overwhelmed with the fact that we are having a baby! Right now I just notice little things about my body changing and adapting. It honestly feels like this stage is more about the woman and less about the baby. I know he or she is in there now, but I think seeing the photos, finding out the gender, and growing this now visible bump will really change things! I’m so excited, and cannot wait!

19 weeks 2 days

Tucker can’t wait either!

growing pains

I just have to say that I love babycenter.com! On multiple occasions they have been spot on with delivering information to me right when I need it most.

Take for instance today on my way home from work I sneezed. It was one of those hard, whole body sneezes. And, as it happened I got a stabbing pain in my lower right abdomen. It went away not long after, but it definitely hurt. I worried if the baby was okay, what was this pain, and why would a sneeze bring it on?

Tonight I’m reading my 19 weeks email update, and look at what it says!


Think you’re big now? You’ll start growing even faster in the weeks to come. As a result, you may notice some achiness in your lower abdomen or even an occasional brief, stabbing pain on one or both sides — especially when you shift position or at the end of an active day. Most likely, this is round ligament pain. The ligaments that support your uterus are stretching to accommodate its increasing weight. This is nothing to be alarmed about, but call your practitioner if the pain continues even when you’re resting or becomes severe.

I mean they are smart! Or as Nathan said, “Looks like they’ve done this a couple of times.”
It definitely makes me feel better to know this isn’t uncommon.

the best game ever

Last week as I entered the door some 14 hours after leaving the house that morning this awaited me.

honey loves me

Inside was a beautifully written card from Nathan. And, of course I cried at the door.

honey loves me

I was a little questionable at first. Nathan are you in here? I didn’t know if he was home or not as the house felt like someone was, but he was no where to be found. So I did as the note said.

honey loves me

honey loves me

honey loves me

Ah….a bubble bath! Nathan always thinks I take too short of baths ie. the stop watch! I was shriveled after 15 minutes, but it was wonderful.

honey loves me

honey loves me

I had a cup of Calm.

honey loves me

honey loves me

By this point I was so relaxed I almost couldn’t keep my eyes open! Good job Hubby!

honey loves me

honey loves me

A snoogle from Janet, a good night’s sleep, and a very thoughtful loving husband made my day.

tuck the ghost

It looks like Tucker knows what season it is!

Tucker got in to the Halloween facepaint

Spooky season! From the looks of it I think he’s telling us he wants to be a ghost for Halloween, or a dalmation! Too bad he got this way from eating charcoal (again)! He’s just too cute to be scary though.

Tucker got in to the Halloween facepaint

oh the farm.

I miss our garden.

Griffin Yard Farm - 6 weeks in

It was so much fun.
Nathan surprised me with an annual membership to Seed Savers Exchange for our first year wedding anniversary, and I am so excited to receive the first quarterly! We have plans to possibly build a small covered seedling planter to begin some of our veggies earlier next year. Everyone says it will be impossible with a baby on the way, but I am more determined than ever to have fresh, home grown veggies just because of that. Plus we will be able to make homemade food for the babe and freeze it for when he or she is about 6 to 8 months. This will probably be towards the end of the growing season.

18 weeks and 4 days

18 weeks!
Man they are just speeding by now, and it all feels so fast that it’s almost surreal. This week Nathan started moving furniture and rooms around so that the baby will have a room. It’s exciting and stressful at the same time. I wish we had room for everything. I tend to be one of those people who likes to ignore things until they go away. I admit I almost feel frozen as to how to prepare for bringing a baby home. Right now I feel as though I will just carry it for 9 months, have it, and everything will work itself out. But I know there has to be a lot more thought that goes in to it than that.

I just don’t want Nathan to feel as though he has to sacrifice his things and space. I want him to have a creative space to call his own. Right now we don’t know where half of his stuff is going to go (illustration/screen printing/printing/computer equipment). With two rooms (both soon to be bedrooms) I have to make a compromise somewhere and that means electronics/art supplies in the bedroom. It will work itself out, I know, it is just stuff after all. But it feels like we are outgrowing this space.

18 weeks and 4 days

Other than that the baby grew a lot this week! I can no longer sleep on my back because I can feel the weight of the baby when I do so. My wonderful friend Janet gifted me with a Snoogle! It is amazing! I don’t know how it can be a body pillow and head pillow in one, but it works. It keeps me from rolling over, and is like a nest when I sleep. It can also help when positioning for breast feeding after the baby comes.

I’ve been having a lot of lower back pain but I think it’s mostly due to being on my feet WAY too much. I am looking forward to two more days of rest and relaxation and then starting my normal routine this coming week. I’m sure I will feel a lot better, and the baby will, too. I’m also looking forward to doing pilates again, and stretching these muscles.

Babe is 5 and a half inches long, and weighs 7 ounces – about the size of a bell pepper! Funny that today my lower abdomen started to feel achy. I had no idea what to make of it, but figured it wasn’t an emergency. Turns out it’s my ligaments stretching to fit my uterus which is the size of a cantelope now! The baby can start to hear outside noises now so I am thinking of reading books to my belly before bed. Sounds kind of funny right now, but I bet it is relaxing.

18 weeks and 4 days
Yes my belly is almost as big as my butt now (and it looks like I enjoy this from my hand and face expression)!

18 weeks and 4 days

Still have not bought any maternity clothes though my jeans will probably only last another week.
I’m wearing: dress by Anthropologie, Boots by Anthropologie, Scarf from Target

tis the season

I woke up today to a bleak sky. It is grey, dull, and quiet. This is the sky that will blanket us most of winter here in Chicago, and today was the first day it decided to show itself. Our summer was beautiful and long (in my opinion), and our fall beautiful – yellow leaves every where. So I guess it is only natural that this sky comes my way, and that I accept it.

We still have a few weeks left in October, though, and I am bound and determined to enjoy my favorite month. I have no plans, though! I still want to dress up for Halloween, go to a pumpkin festival, and pass out candy!

Costume ideas have been so difficult this year. I have thought of everything, but nothing I love! I think it’s time to hit the thrift store.


Mine and Nathan’s pumpkins from a few years ago.

Can’t forget about carving a pumpkin!

I’m alive!

I’m alive! I promise! And, the end is near! I actually got to sleep in today.
A couple of things I am excited about…

1) 18 weeks along! I tried to take a photo this morning by myself (Nathan is at work), but it didn’t work out. So photo tomorrow, perhaps! Babe is definitely growing now!

2) My new sewing machine! I found a 50% off coupon on Joann’s website the other day, and ordered this bad boy! Actually right now Joann’s has a 40% off coupon – They never allow these on machines in the store, so I jumped at the opportunity online!

3) Tea! Nathan surprised me with at least 7 different full leaf tea boxes this week, and I am loving it! I’m attempting to warm myself up right now (the heat is being crazy again in the house) with a cup of Tazo Calm.

4) Friends! I feel so loved! Gotta make some calls today.

5) Holidays! My mama is probably coming up for Thanksgiving, and my brother might visit for Christmas and then go with us to New Hampshire afterwards! Couldn’t get any better! (Well, unless today was Saturday).

6) And, always always my Husband. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t thank my lucky stars for him, and then go on nuzzling his beard.

fall

17 weeks and 4 days

My schedule has gotten the best of me lately so that is why I missed taking the 17 week photo on Wednesday. But here we are…17 weeks and 4 days! The belly is still small, and depending on what I am wearing almost unrecognizable. I don’t think I have much of a bump in these photos. Nathan did such a beautiful job taking them though.

17 weeks and 4 days

This week I felt the baby move for the first time! And, man oh man the baby won’t stop! I really notice it at night when things have quieted down, and I am relaxing. It feels more like a tap or twitch than a flutter or bubbles as I have mostly read, and is both amazing and weird at the same time! Every time I feel it I just want to say, “hello in there!!!”

I am almost consistently sleeping on my left side now, though I still haven’t bitten the bullet and bought a pillow to help support me in this. Nathan did find one of my old stuffed bears from when I was a kid though, and I have been snuggling with that for the time being!

Something that has become apparent the past few weeks is my dislike of noise. I am really craving quiet time. This might be in preparation for the baby, and also my nerves just being heightened due to pregnancy. Unfortunately though my neighbors have been playing a lot of loud techno!

I’m still craving lots of fruit, and have been eating slices of orange almost every morning with my cereal this past week. My energy is pretty normal, but I crave a nap around 4 or 5.

Babe is starting to form bones where cartilage once was, and is about 5 ounces in weight – as much as a large pear! And, amazingly the baby is as long as my hand! I keep putting my hand up to my tummy to imagine a baby that big all curled up there.

17 weeks and 4 days

Nathan and I talk a lot about the baby which builds even more anticipation for this journey. I have barely been home this week, and he has taken care of everything from house chores to dinner to picking me up and making me smile! I couldn’t have picked a better person to join me on this road.